The Gray Area

Sometimes I feel completely lost when it comes to love. In reality, how do any of us know anything? How do you know love? If every time feels the same, is it love? What if every time feels different? And when you finally feel that you know; how do you know that you didn't only convince yourself of it? I like being a selfish person and in knowing that, I've come to also learn that I hate being in relationships. I hate the idea of love and happily ever afters and yet my body betrays me. Time and time again, with emotional responses. Now I yearn for a voice and a touch. It's the dynamic of it that terrifies me. Living with someone else is learning all sorts of things about the other person. I imagine it to be exhausting. What do I do anything for? I'm so confused even by my own mind. Everything is so complex and riddled at times that it's too much for me. Too much to accept and comprehend all at once but it will never stop. It's at these times that I feel my age and I understand just how young I am. I feel small and insignificant in life experiences. I really know very little about the world and that's when I wonder if you think that I'm more than I am.