Bruce Banner

I felt so big then I felt so small
I wondered why I was feeling at all
I'm high as a kite I'm high as a kite (kite, kite, kite...)
I smoked some Bruce Banner and that shit was the best.

Voice

I can't explain why things are the way they are. For some reason even though I told myself I never would have kids, I feel compelled almost to accept that a very likely possibility when I'm with Zarni. I guess it's the chemistry between us, it's so strong. I just feel so strongly about him, even more strongly that I found about Kristoffer. I don't know why because maybe it is just the chemistry something about our genes is just matched up so intensely as to create healthy strong offspring. I really don't know no I just know the highs are high and the lows are low. I dont know why I want him so much it doesn't make any sense to me.

Late Night

I never seem to be successful in making more positive blog posts. I'm in a really weird relationship that has a "I don't give a fuck, couldn't care less about you" undertone to it. I'm at a point where I just want to say "Screw it, this relationship isn't worth it" but something holds me back. According to my [boyfriend] we are "easing back into it" whatever the fuck that means. I think whats really going on is that he's been talking/dating someone else. What really bugs me about things is that he says I mean so much to him but he was perfectly fine after our break up. Like no mourning for the relationship whatsoever. So he almost killed himself because a  past relationship ended that he said wasn't even serious but nothing for ours? I'm by no means saying I want him to feel like killing himself but he just seemed to not care at all. Like he seems to not care right now. Its aggrivating and I don't know what I'm doing myself. I'm just so uncomfortable with being lonely that I'd rather deal with the drama of this insane relationship. I really would just like a dog instead and then I think I'd be way happier.

Less, Much Less

I just have it in my mind right now that it I get a dog all my problems will go away. I can put my time into something more constructive and then I'll be happier. I'll also be less lonely, at least that's what I hope for. I've been talking to Zarni and we are kind of back together? We are "easing back into it" whatever the fuck that means. I'm kind of giving up on the 38th idea. I really just can't handle how different things are. I feel so isolated and alone that I've gone back to plan 37. Not my best plan by any means...probably my most reckless plan at that. Not only that but plan kb2 is turning out to be horrible. Another bad decision on my part that I should've put more thought into. I'm throwing that plan out completely because there's just nothing in it for me. Plan kb1 is okay as far as I know but I think I will just leave it as is and not complicate it with further details. I was really hoping the 38th idea would keep me motivated but if anything it's just depressed me. I have very little else to say about these matters right now.

Ranking

8 is the number

Like I Knew You

I'm kind of getting used to the being alone thing. It still sucks but I'm adjusting little by little. Kristoffer is sleeping with some indian chick and it pisses me off to think about it. I don't really want to talk to him now that I know its going on. I think I will just not respond to anyones texts for a couple of weeks. I don't know what I'm feeling, maybe just that it seems like everyone has forgotten about me.