Mutated version .1

It all means nothing anyways. Everything is as it always was despite any political differences. Despite any changes of scenery. Every city is the same, every day is the same. Still longing for death and still haunted by anxieties. The earth is dying and my optimism with it. What is left? Only to forget.

Sound of Silence

I was deleting a history that didn't mean anything to me

World of distractions keeping me the same
For all the time lost
I'm the one to blame
Indeed I hoped
And slept through the days
Ran from the path
But then I awoke

The Trade Off

When Jes and I are not together we trade off in suffering. It's so weird but it really is a trade off. One suffers and then we trade to give the other a break. All completely out of our control but it happens just the same.

Human hands

I'm proud of myself for getting out of bed and going to this job interview when I really feel like killing myself.

Glass

I pushed him away so quickly because his was the only love that terrified me. It all started when I began to think of forever and I knew there never would be one.

The Gray Area

Sometimes I feel completely lost when it comes to love. In reality, how do any of us know anything? How do you know love? If every time feels the same, is it love? What if every time feels different? And when you finally feel that you know; how do you know that you didn't only convince yourself of it? I like being a selfish person and in knowing that, I've come to also learn that I hate being in relationships. I hate the idea of love and happily ever afters and yet my body betrays me. Time and time again, with emotional responses. Now I yearn for a voice and a touch. It's the dynamic of it that terrifies me. Living with someone else is learning all sorts of things about the other person. I imagine it to be exhausting. What do I do anything for? I'm so confused even by my own mind. Everything is so complex and riddled at times that it's too much for me. Too much to accept and comprehend all at once but it will never stop. It's at these times that I feel my age and I understand just how young I am. I feel small and insignificant in life experiences. I really know very little about the world and that's when I wonder if you think that I'm more than I am.