Maybe we need the distance. I feel like I cause more problems visiting than I solve. My only reason for coming to Houston is always just to visit xxyz and I feel like things have gotten so complicated. This is a very complicated relationship and I feel like the days are fickle. I thought we'd be more cuddly but it feels like he doesn't want me to touch him. I could be wrong but that's anything issue all in itself. I can't tell if something is wrong or not. We both have hardly said anything today or yesterday. Days like this make me really think it's destined to fail. I am here not really for any gain of my own but just so other people can reach what they couldn't before. Both a rewarding and a lonely existence. I feel like sometimes I'll never be happy. I feel happiness though at different times but only a handful of moments, most of them with xxyz. Its a confusing time. Maybe I am too young for this and the comprehension level is far beyond that which I possess. It's hard to say for sure though, there just never really is a way to know anything. I do feel like a burden though so it's probably for the best that I won't be coming back for a while. That's what hurts though is that he wanted me to come but now I feel like a burden. I have so many things to consider and so much to analyze. I try to be really grateful for the things that have happened to me but it's a struggle to stay positive.
