Dreams

I had a dream that one of Z's exes came around and was talking to me. When that they proceeded to have a private conversation and now I'm thinking I really need to get out of this relationship. I feel like this may be some kind of warning that things are not what they seem. I have been feeling that for a while. Its be so much easier to just disappear and not tell him anything...but he knows where I live.

Make Money

I've been feeling good lately. I went to ACL and it was amazing!  Flosstradamus was the best show I saw and  I also got my first tattoo. Relationship wise it's been iffy and I don't really know how it's going to continue. We argue in between seeing each other and we only see each other about once a week. I find myself thinking a lot about how were in the past instead of how we are now. I don't know things are really different.

Hallucinations

I don't know what I want to write but I was feeling very strongly about something earlier and now I'm just confused. I'm not getting as much attention as I want I guess and I'm getting even less indian food. So much happened in such a short amount of time and now almost a year has passed. A year will have passed since we met on the 7th. In October we started talking a lot and we went out together for the first time to a movie. The next day you invited me to your brothers birthday party and I told you I'd think about it. I let you know later that I'd go and it was the first time I went to the breakroom. Everyone thought we were dating and kept asking about us. I had three shots of fireball that night and it was the first time I had any alcohol since coming back from Sweden. By the end of the night we were holding each other and telling people we were dating when they asked. We did something in between your brothers birthday and Halloween but niether of us can remember what it was. It was the first time we kissed though and it was absolutely horrible because of how nervous I was. You asked if you were going to see me again and I replied "No probably not." Then Halloween came and we went to some party at someones house. I wanted to redeem myself from the awkward peck and it turned out much better. We were outside on the porch of the house talking to the meth heads and I surprised you with a kiss once they left. It felt really good and I think we were both pleasantly surprised. I wanted more from you that night than a kiss but you didn't quite get my hints. I should note also that even though we were seeing each other pretty frequently that we hadn't established that we were together yet. November 2nd we went to a cowboys game and you picked me up way later than you had said. I was convinced you had stood me up but you came and I was pretty happy. The game itself was boring but afterwards we went to the Mexican mall and it was one of the best things I've done. It brought back a flood of childhood memories. We got food and just enjoyed being together. Then we went back to your place and started making out. You were playing with my jeans and I said you could take them off. Then everying was set in motion and I remember the way you looked like it was yesterday. It was really fucking great and since that night it was pretty much agreed on that we were together. I can only remember good things in the beginning and then somehow insecurities started showing up. Lots of ups but lots of downs too...really bad lows. Now we're trying to revive what we had in the beginning and so far the sex is back to how it was. I feel like the feelings aren't all quite there. I don't know if we'll ever get back to it or it's all a lost caused. So much has happened and so much has changed. I hardly know whats stayed the same. You started telling me that you love me again. I don't know how honest things are between us though.

Lost

Lost